Wednesday, May 29

This feeling of breaking out of constriction is all around us if we look around and pay attention. The flowers have already taken their cue and broken out of the ground, reaching up for the sun. Trees are already flush with leaves. Pine cones are strewn about the sidewalk outside my apartment, looking to seed the world,

Lauren feels it… she’s fed up with her family bonds.
Aaron feels it… the time for newness and rebirth
Lori feels it… she broke up with her boyfriend of over a year. Irreconcilable differences were to blame.
Chad and I split ways, and in school I broke my commitment to 100% attendance. At class all last week anger and frustration and stress were the major emotions as people have grown tired of the grind of school, homework, and tests.

We want to be outside experiencing the world. Free to be ourselves.

posted by Paul at 5:36:00 PM


Spring:

In the 5 Element Theory in Chinese Philosophy, Spring is associated with the element, Wood, breaking out in new directions and with anger.

New growth, spring-cleaning, coming out of hibernation, readjusting life’s priorities…

As spring hits its peak and the weather heats up, so are tempers and the need to clean out the dirt and cobwebs of outer and inner space.

That being said, Chad and I tentatively ended our dating relationship just over a month after our 4-year anniversary. I needed space to think, he needed to space to be himself. As Chad said, “we’ve decided to start moving apart instead of moving together.” Months of petty arguing, silly disputes, and longer and longer amounts of time away from each other finally came to a head.

So for right now, we’re broken up and taking time to evaluate what it is we want in a relationship and maybe, in our relationship.

So how do I feel about this?

I’m indifferent, sad, and a bit relieved; in somewhat of a limbo. It’s only been two days away from a four-year relationship, so I’m not forcing myself to come to any decisions or summations before I am ready. I can see that we have always been better as friends than as lovers. We just want different things in an intimate relationship. I am sad and mournful for our failed experiment in long-term relationship. Part of me really wants a marriage, and I also rebel and reject what I sometimes see as being tied down.

This is not an ending; really, it is a beginning of new experiences and directions. For every door that is closed, another one is open.

To be continued…

posted by Paul at 5:10:00 PM

Thursday, May 2

"Today I wanted to go up to every person I saw, grab them by the shoulders, and say, 'Do you know that God is head-over-heels in love with you right now?..."

-paraphrased from the Salt Lake City Weekly horoscope page.
posted by Paul at 2:19:00 PM